Can you ever truely be prepared for birth? Why am I finding it more nerve racking this time around??
I’ve always said that writing is a way of therapy for me and a way to get a few thoughts a feels off my chest. So hear I am again ready to spill.
I did a preganacy update not to long ago and health and body wise all is going really well but I thought I would share a few things I have been dealing with emotionally and I guess to myself.
If you know me well or know my journey so far you would know that I have made it through the last the past few years on the wild ride that is motherhood relatively unscathed. I had a breezy pregnancy with Aria, no major complications with the birth and have travelled through the different stages with Aria with only the usual struggles and concerns that come along with parenting.
We have passed the 25week mark with our beautiful little girl and she growing beautifully. I feel connected, happy, excited and all the lovey feels but I have also been experiencing a lot of anxious and worried thoughts (mostly at night) which has been affecting my sleep particularly over the last week or so. Last night was the worst.
With Aria I was going in blind, I was confident and had no idea what I was in for. I think that made it somewhat easier for me. This time around even with still a few months from the big day I have found myself feeling…. terrified, worried and yep basically shitting myself when I think about the pain and the what if’s. What if there are complications? What if I have to stay in hospital longer then expected? What if my recovery isn’t a quick? Maybe knowing exactly what I’m in for is why it seems to worry me this time.
I’m also having feelings of guilt and worry about being apart from Aria. I have never spent a night without her. Daycare, hair appointments and the odd date with daddy is about as far as it goes. She’s always with me and I am always with her. It’s all about herZ I’m actually crying writing this. Don’t get me wrong I know I’m not the first person on earth to have a second child but I am just sharing my feelings. I know many mothers experience these feelings pre baby and worse.
With Aria I had all the time in the world if we had to spend the day on the couch we did. We made our own routine and worked around that. This time it’s going to be a hell of a lot different and I get upset at the thought of not having as much one on one time with Ari, how she will adjust and how I will zombie my way around with a toddler and newbie on my own. With Shaun at work so much and a very small support network it definitely is something I think about. It’s funny because 99% of me is always positive and I do find like all of us I just get on with it and cope and things just work they always have, we adjust to whatever comes our way but it’s just that 1% that seems to be on replay at the moment.
I’m sure over the next few months these feelings will come and go. They may get worse or may disappear all together. I may just get there on the day and own my labour and birth. It might be quick and painless (lol) and my body may be more prepared this time. Who knows ? I do however know I am going to be a lot firmer on what I do and don’t want on the day and all that matters is that bubs arrives safe and sound however which way she comes.
I actually feel a lot better just from writing this. It’s helped clear some thoughts (deep sigh) thanks for listening.
I’d love to hear if anyone else experienced any pre birth anxiety or worries and what helped them? How you adjusted going from one baby to two?
Well that’s a wrap for now. I’m going to focus my weekend on self care and enjoy all the little moments with my darling girl whom is growing so fast 😭 and is going to make a wonderful big sister. I am extremely grateful and blessed and know that we only have the best yet to come.