Dear diary

It’s been a while.

Its been hard to find the time lately.

Where do I begin…. for starters Maya is 4months old. How did that happen?? Our days are busy, they are crazy and they are long. Yet they go by so dam fast.

At times I feel like I am a first time mum again and others I feel like I have it somewhat together. Before Maya was born I worried about how I would manage with two little ones, then Maya arrived and we seemed to just get in a groove and cope just fine. Then the sleepless nights started to stack up and the sleepy newborn days fade and things got hard. Its not like the first time (with Aria) where the challenges are there but it’s just you and baby. Riding the wave together. There is more time to just sit still when needed . Our lives were not as busy then. There was no real schedule. You just kinda make one around the baby. Well I did anyway.

I’ve been finding myself struggling at times and feeling overwhelmed more often then not. Overwhelmed at the mess, at trying to find a groove now that we are out of the newborn stage. Everything just seems harder.Stress has crept its way into my life and has been something I’ve been dealing with quietly. I was not myself a lot of the time for a while there and I don’t like that. Crying at the drop of the hat, bursts of anger and frustration over small things. It wasn’t  me at all.

SLEEP aahhh I miss you friend. This has to be the number one struggle, the one thing that was setting off everything else. Some days I cope fine and others I’m skating on thin ice with emotions and just feel flat.

It’s not like I didn’t know it was coming I’ve been here before. However this time I have a busy toddler to entertain, Shaun is working long hours and the house well I just feel like the endless list of things that needs to been done keeps piling up. Some days I let it get the better of me.

I was putting to much pressure on myself.

Trying to giving the girls 100% all day everyday. Without giving myself anything.

Making sure everyone’s needs are met and everyone is cared for except my own.

I was holding a lot in and feeling pretty crappy. I was even beginning to get physical symptoms of stress and I had to do something about it.

It’s a terrible thing to do to yourself. To hold it all in and not allow yourself to feel it properly. To feel guilty for some of your thoughts, wishes and reactions. To feel like your not entitled to have these feelings.

‘How dare you feel like this when you have a beautiful life, healthy beautiful daughters and the ability to spend their most precious years at home with them.’ – that’s what you tell yourself.

After finally acknowledging how I was feeling, talking to Shaun, checking in with my doctor/nurse. Chatting with friends, Reassessing the way I have been thinking, changing the way I look at situations. I’m starting to feel better again. I’m starting to feel more myself again. Im making the time for myself again too. I’m starting to take some of my own advice. The advice I would give to any of my mama friends.

That all starts with YOU. Prioritising time for yourself. Taking care of yourself and your health, your mental health so you can be the best version of you for your kids. Finding time for the things that fill YOUR cup. I let that slip away for a bit.

Anyway this ramble comes from a tired mama someone who is lacking in the sleep department (like all parents) and who let that take over instead of doing what I usually do and taking advantage of all the things I can control. Like what I’m eating, making time for exercise, reading positive affirmations and blogs. Getting up earlier then the kids (this is hard as Aria is up at the crack of dawn) but getting up the with just the one babe awake means I can quickly organise myself stress free. Plan out our day. What tasks are important and what can wait.

I had breakfast with a lovely friend last week who put a lot into perspective for me and just refreshed me on all the little things I needed to be reminded.

1.That it’s ok to say that it’s frigging hard sometimes. That there will be bad days among all the good and just to find ways to make them easier on yourself.

2. Prioritising time for me again and supporting my body in other areas as the sleep factor is just unavoidable at the moment. Food, exercise, fresh air, supplements, essential oils.

3. Talking about it and just not letting the sleep deprivation win.

I’ve taken all of her advice and been implementing since that day and honestly I haven’t had a ‘bad’ day since it’s help reset my mindset, it’s helped us all reset actually because the babes feed off my energy and I am extremely grateful. Thanks you 💗

‘To my beautiful girls ,Thank you for being patient with me and for always making my day no matter what. I love you ‘

So basically I am in a mission to get a little bit of myself back into EVERYDAY so I can just be my best for the girls, my family and the people around me.

I was very indecisive on wether or not to share this or not as it’s something I just wrote for myself, but for starters writing it helped me let it go, talking about it helped and if reading this helps another mama who might be going through a tough phase trying to adjust to their new life with their first, second , third, fourth baby then that’s good enough for me.

So if you see me oversharing recipes, workout, quotes ect … that’s just me keeping myself accountable and making myself happy too.

Love me


2 thoughts on “Dear diary

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